I JUST ate peanut butter straight from the jar and I actually wore my slippers to the supermarket last week. Oh, the shame.
They were both emergency situations though. Okay, I’m not sure what happened with the peanut butter, but there wasn’t enough left in the jar to cover a piece of toast and it’s been a huge week with the gala ball and two dance concerts – something just snapped, and it tasted so good.
Slippers to the supermarket was a slightly more calculated risk. It was late, I was desperate for chocolate, and I mean desperate, in a biological monthly cycle kind of way – actually craving magnesium if my information is correct.
I needed the chocolate and my husband was home to mind the children, so I was free to undertake the perilous mission to seek and destroy chocolate, alone. Unfortunately it was bitterly cold outside and my feet were oh-so-warm in my sheepskin moccasins.
It just seemed a downright reckless waste of energy to change into shoes and lose all that precious body heat.
Anyway, who else would be crazy enough to go out in the cold at that time of night shopping, apart from all of the other women with their irrepressible chocolate cravings? I felt sure that they would understand the slipper thing.
I went for it, purse, car keys, ignition, headlights, off to the shops.
Perfectly happy on the drive there, I was immediately nervous when I entered the supermarket carpark.
What if I did happen to meet an acquaintance in the confectionery aisle? How embarrassing. What kind of person goes on a shopping expedition purely for chocolate, in her slippers?
The whole exercise screamed desperation.
Head down, I entered through the electronic sliding doors, averting my gaze from any other customers I sensed nearby.
I covered the ground as swiftly as possible, grabbed the chocolate I needed – some for everyone else in the family, I am a mother after all – and dashed to the most deserted-looking checkout.
Choosing a cash transaction to keep it quick, I stepped out into the cold night air with my crime against fashion completely undetected.
I ripped the wrapper off the block of chocolate and actually started snapping off squares and devouring them before I jumped back into the car behind the wheel.
Did I mention that I really needed that chocolate?
Smiling in satisfaction amid the heavenly sensation of tasting chocolate, I congratulated myself on pulling off the manoeuvre without anyone discovering my outrageously undignified behaviour.
And so I had; no-one will ever know.
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